This last week has been so tough it’s really got me thinking about what life is actually like verses our expectations.
There are these beautiful moments we experience that keep us going but sadly, when you break it down they’re actually few & far between.
90% of my day is made up of unexciting experiences. A day of errands, tasks & work that is mundane but completely necessary for life to function. Then unexpectedly there is a sweet moment where I take a step back from my whirlwind of to-dos & truly enjoy life. It’s when Sophie walks over & gives me a kiss out of the blue. Afterwards she looks me dead in the eye, smiles & toddles off. A kiss & run. It’s just enough to take me out of the never-ending list in my head of what to do next & truly live. Or yesterday Sam spiked a fever & was so miserable she was trembling & out of breath. I opened my arms & she curled around my body with her head buried in my chest. I rocked her slowly back & forth while humming, trying to do anything to make time pass a little easier for her while we waited for the Motrin to kick in. In a few minutes I felt her little body relax & the whimpering stopped. She was comforted. In that moment, knowing I was right then & there giving her what she needed was so fulfilling. To help someone you love so desperately is a beautiful experience.
But life with my children isn’t really what I’m thinking about today, I kind of expected that to be a ton of work with little recognition.
I never thought marriage would be like that though. Maybe I could blame it on fairytales & romantic comedies but regardless I had this unconscious expectation that married life would be a lot more enjoyable experiences & a lot less work. People might have told me, or maybe not, but either way I was not prepared for it to be so much effort with only a few small instances here & there to truly enjoy. There are these beautiful moments when he kisses me on the back of my neck while I’m washing dishes or I happen to mention some problem to him, we talk & I walk away from that conversation feeling so much better because I know that guy truly gets me. Those are like jet fuel boosts that get me through the other 90% of our life that’s boring, repetitive, sometimes annoying & often exhausting.
I wonder though, is truly living only 10% of your day just realistic or is it somehow letting life pass you by?
I was watching ‘Obsessed’ last night on Lifetime. I don’t know why I watch this movie every time it’s on television, especially the Lifetime version that leaves out all the f-bombs when Beyonce kicks Ali Larter’s skinny ass, but something about it I get lost in. I realized last night that what I’m so attracted to is this make-believe marriage between Sharon (Beyone) & Derek (Idris Elba). They’re both beautiful, they just moved into this gorgeous house, they have a beautiful baby that never cries & a sexy, ramped up sex life. Derek is oh so in love with his wife & she is this perfect, sassy woman who somehow is always in skinny jeans, jimmy choos & always has the energy to ‘take care of her man’. I get so mad at her. There are so many scenes where I’m spilling my wine because I’m waving my arm at the tv going “This is such bull$#@!!”
One scene in particular sticks out where Lisa (Ali Larter) is going over her list of office duties with her boss Derek & she mentions how she already sent his wife roses because it’s Monday, & every Monday he sends her flowers. What?? He sends her flowers every single week? This is what I’m talking about. Maybe I’m missing something in my life but I just don’t think that’s a realistic expectation of a marriage. Marriage is messy. We forget about eachother 90% of the time but the other 10% can be great. And maybe that just needs to be enough.
So what do you think? Should you strive to make more out of every day life or relax because you know what life is really like & there’s no reason to stress about making everything better. Just let it be & know that you’re normal, your marriage is normal & to worry about it being anything else is setting yourself up for an expectation that can’t be met.