I’ve always thought of myself as a really strong woman. I’m very strong-willed, determined & not easily taken out. At least that’s what I thought.
This Lyme fiasco has me questioning that strength however. Somehow over the last 6 weeks I’ve gradually stopped doing everything. Granted, I had a good reason, but still, inadvertently I put the brakes on my entire life. Fun activities with kids, quality time with my husband, blogging, cooking, crafting, running…everything that made me “me” slowly stopped. At the same time I also gradually become depressed. I think I knew it was because I wasn’t doing what made me happy anymore but I don’t think I quite realized how much my life had changed. Until yesterday. I had a meltdown like a 3 yr old. It was something stupid that triggered it, something P said made me snap at him & then before the poor guy knew it I was a blubbering, snotty mess on our bedroom floor. I went on & on about how my life is a mess… I worked so hard to build up my blog & now I’ve neglected it so much over a few weeks that I’ll have to work twice as hard to build my readership back up. I busted my butt to get into the habit of running & now I’ve quit & will have to start all over…in the winter. I’m a terrible wife because I’ve neglected my husband’s “needs” for an embarrassingly long amount of time. I got Sam excited about ballet lessons & then put off registering her for too long & now the class is full. Wahhhh! (It sounds downright petty & ridiculous now that I’m typing it but in my mind it was end of the world)
That’s when my loving husband cut me off & said, “Natasha, you have got to get yourself together. Put your big girl panties on & man up. Yes, you’ve had a shi**y month & it sucks but now it’s time to suck it up & move on.”
Not quite the speech I imagined, I was thinking more of a slowly wipe the tear off my cheek while sweetly bringing me close to sob on his shoulder kind of situation but after I thought about it for awhile he was right.
I’m a little embarrassed that I’m fragile enough that a couple months of illness could make me into a major mess but it did & the only way out is to brush myself off & move on. No one else is going to do it for me so what am I waiting for?
Yes, I wish I could be as strong & brave as others & just take my lumps & move on but it hasn’t really come naturally for me. It’s been a tough lesson learned. Thank God he didn’t send me something really devastating. I always thought that if a rough patch hit I’m the type who would be the strong, stoic one to guide my family through but turns out I have a lot of growing up to do. And manning up to do.
When life’s thrown you a curveball have you crashed & burned or rock & rolled?