I believe I remember a bible verse from my childhood that talks about how when you ask for forgiveness Jesus washes away your sins & makes you white as snow.
Actually, come to think of it, I think the snow part was Mary had a Little Lamb.
Well, I’m sure the message is still the same.
This morning was like too many mornings lately. I had a super short fuse with the girls. I start off good & patient but as the clock keeps ticking closer to the time when we need to get out the door for school, they keep dumping hair clips on the floor, messing around & basically being cute adorable baby girls who are driving me crazy. I end up snapping at them & then they start fighting, then we’re late & I find myself yelling at them to stop. I’m just worried that they’re going to grow up & look back at their childhood remembering me as being short-tempered. “Don’t piss off mom, she’ll freak out on you!” I want them to remember me as a patient, slow to anger, sweet & loving mother. I’m worried I’m not on that path right now.
Today my prayer is that God will change my natural fleshly inclinations to yell & snap. That might be the way that my brain is wired, perhaps I’m a little genetically predisposed, but that doesn’t mean I can’t change.
I pray that God changes me into the type of mom I want my girls to remember me as.
By the time we got to school I had some time to calm down & put things in perspective. I also had enough time for mommy guilt to set in.
When I was unbuckling Sam from her carseat I looked her in the eye & said, “I’m sorry Mommy yelled at you this morning. I’m sorry that I get mad sometimes. Will you forgive me?” As soon as I said that I thought to myself do 3 year olds even know what forgiveness means? But no sooner did she give me an eager “Uh-huh!” & the biggest hug with her arms tight around neck.
How natural it comes to her to forgive. Children desperately want to believe the best in their parents & if you throw them the tiniest bone of “hey I’ll be better” they’ll jump at it! That’s all they want. To believe the best in their mommies & daddies.
I’m going to try and give her that.
She believes in me, that’s the least I can do.